“He who has found his life will lose it and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39 NASB
Often, God uses a specific scripture verse to challenge me and set the tone for an upcoming season. The start of this year was no exception. I found myself reading Ecclesiastes chapter eleven over and over. Here we are reminded that if we don’t take steps of faith, we will be like a farmer who never sows any seeds but still expects a crop to spring up.
It was as if God was telling me - it’s time to move. It’s time to be bold. It’s time to make changes.
So far, so good.
Then I got to the last verse of the chapter, “Remove grief and anger from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting.” (Ecclesiastes 11:10) Now it was as if God was shining a spotlight on my soul, showing me that if I wanted to walk by faith and make an impact in the world, I had a critical step to take - it was time to heal.
This began what I would call an inside-out kind of year. On the outside – life was fairly normal. Sure, it had highs and lows, but overall it was stable and even somewhat predictable. However, on the inside, I experienced dramatic change as I walked through a painful process of seeing the dark places of my heart.
If I’m honest, I’m not sad to say good-bye to 2019. The process of growth wasn’t easy. Many days I questioned God. Why? What are you doing? When will this be over? What is the purpose of this?
I don’t know what kind of year you’ve had, but chances are you can relate to experiencing pain and hurt. If we are not careful, we can carry the pain of the past into our future. We can allow doubt and fear to overshadow God’s promises.
As we look to 2020, God has given me a new verse to mark a new season. Jesus promised that “he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” When we truly follow Jesus, we have to lose our own lives. Often this can feel like everything is in upheaval, it can be painful, and it is definitely not easy. But this inside-out, upside-down approach is the path that leads us to life.
If you have experienced loss, confusion, or hurt in your pursuit of Jesus, be encouraged. This is not an indicator that you have done something wrong or that you have lost your way. In fact, it probably means that you are right on the path to finding true life.
I don’t know what 2020 has in store for you, but this I do know - God doesn’t waste our hurt, He doesn’t give up on us, and He can redeem even the most painful circumstances.
Prayer
God, thank you that You have the power to make sense of the confusion and chaos of my soul. Help me see life from Your perspective. I want to pursue true life, even when I can’t see or understand the process. I choose to find hope in You. Amen.